Showing posts with label Covid19. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Covid19. Show all posts

Thursday, April 30, 2020

Early Morning Thoughts in The Dark






As I write this I have been up more than and hour, its still black as night and just after 5 am here on the West Coast. I woke from a fitful sleep and decided now would be as good a time as any to get up. Just the cat and I this morning surrounded by birdsong and anticipation of the daily news. 
My sister in London is up, she messaged me about an hour before I got up wondering if I was up, that would have been just about 3 am. Our daily conversations are quick, few sentence statements about the world and the virus that has many of us safe at home.  For those of you who don't know I am in Canada, on the West Coast, my sister is in London England. As of yesterday more than 26,900 people in the UK have died from Covid-19, in Canada, a country so much larger, we are at 2,996.  The numbers are staggering and very much disheartening as much as vastly different. 

I have been taking comfort in being home, safe at home, yet constantly in a state of panic. From one moment to the next, I can feel comfortable and happy and completely at a loss.  The constant state of anxiety and heightened awareness gnaws at the back of my neck and the pit of my stomach. It robs me of the gift of the present and steals from my tomorrows. On the times I do venture out, the anxiety gives way temporary to the task at hand, yet the very act of going out, putting everyone at risk, is unbelievably outwardly normal looking. For a second, being in the car seems normal. Going to the store, despite the lines, feels somewhat routine, yet on the way home the knowledge that things are far from normal and guilt for even the simplest trip grips at me.


I try not to check the news every hour, but it is hard to refrain. I busy myself with crafting and projects I have always wanted to try but never found the time. But distraction is only a temporary relief. I was for the last 6 weeks worried about being at home, worried about the people in my community, my home and family. Now I am worried about going back, out into that same community, back to work, back to the unknown.  I feel like we are at war with an unseen entity, fighting blindly and unmatched in weaponry. I wonder if this feeling will pass, or if this unsettled new way of being is our new normal.
I feel a little like this fairy jar I made, safe and warm inside, looking out at a world in a shroud of darkness, waiting to be let out.

Hoping your feeling safe at home, and that sharing these feelings are more of a time capsule of a glimpse into what it truly felt like to live through the pandemic and survive to come out on the other side of it.
Thank you for allowing me to share and for joining me for these early morning thoughts. I would love to hear from you so please leave me a comment here or email me at karenmowen@gmail.com

Tuesday, March 10, 2020

I am exhausted...



I am exhausted, bone tired and weary, not just because I am recovering from having Influenza A, but because of the constant state fear of the news and the covid 19 virus information and misinformation we keep getting.

I am lucky I live in Canada where I think the medical services have done an outstanding job thus far. We have had one death and yes it is in the community in which I live, and new cases are being reported every day but I feel like we are mostly safe. 

Then I get to work and I realize by the lack of traffic, and customers that fear is gripping our communities.

It is effecting every business, family and activity. Hourly I seem to check to see what is closed next, do I send the kids to school? Do we cancel plans for Spring Break? Is it safe to go to work, the grocery store, the mall.....

And then I realize, we have all been through this before, and that we are for the most part going to be okay, we can prepare for a tsunami that may never hit us, and earthquake that is going to reduce our civilization to ruins, nuclear war, world war three and corona virus, prepare is good, panic is not.
Wash your hands, put the kettle on, make a cup of tea, keep calm and carry on.

Its just my opinion, feel free to disagree, but other than going to work I don't mind staying home with a pot of tea and a really great book for the foreseeable future...
I would love to hear from you so please leave me a comment here or email me at karenmowen@gmail.com